Cleveland Browns Predictions: The Madden Version

August 28, 2012 was a day that was met with great anticipation by me and hundreds of thousands of my closest friends.  This day marked the release of the always coveted, EA Sports latest Madden installment.  This also gave me the idea for an article.  Who needs to wait out an entire season of heartbreak and alcoholism when I can just simulate a season on Madden for our results?


I make it home after work, rip open the packaging like it was Christmas morning, and pop the game into my PS3 console without hesitation.  I don’t plan to simulate yet, first I want to see what they (Browns) are like to play with.  I start it up and play the Oakland Raiders, naturally; they are likely to be as horrible as my handicapping of the Cleveland Browns.  I win a 14-0 offensive scorcher! Things I have found out to this point:

* Madden staff members think Colt is a better quarterback, and his 75 vs. Weeden’s 74 rating (not to mention he is starting and you have to put Weeden in manually) proves this.

*Trent Richardson is a BEAST (we kind of knew this)

*If you use “Gameplan” (their way of picking plays for you to save you time of searching) the Browns run two times in a row before even considering a pass, every time.  Why do I have the eerie feeling this not too far from the truth?

*JB Sheard gets clowned by most RT’s in the league.
 
 * DB’s breaking on a ball is much sneakier than it used to be, and there are picks-a-plenty.

*It’s really funny to watch the players trip over other players on the ground after the play has ended and teams are walking back to their respective huddles.

*Alex Smith is the best receiving option on our team, by far!  (Yea, it was a shock to me too)

Now that we have that out of the way, it’s time we find out our Cleveland Browns fate for the upcoming season.  So-I-search-EVERYWHERE, unable to find any place that I can “quickly” simulate a season while avoiding a six hour process.  There is however, a career mode where you are able to select a player or coach, but this entails practice (we talkin’ bout’ practice, not a game…Iverson anyone?), free agency, and even preseason.  Clearly I didn’t want to experience heartache for two entire seasons by playing it out so I decided against it.

 
As a consolation prize, I decided to play the Bengals back to back on Pro and AllPro levels to test our beloved Browns (and my Madden acumen, which could definitely use more face time with the game).  The first game (PRO) is all TRich.  Sweeps, dives, tosses, counters and misdirection, he does it all!  He ends with 171 yards rushing and 86 yards receiving.  Weeden looks crisp with his passes to all receivers and my defense (and I admit this isn’t one of my stronger points) is suspect in a ‘bend but don’t break’ role.  I finish this game in a 35-0 debacle of the Bengals.


The second game (AllPro) starts off with me getting the –curse word that starts with an s- kicked out of me, up and down the field for the first half.  We enter halftime at a 24-3 deficit.  The Law Firm has decided he is now Adrian Peterson and can run over, through, and around anyone he chooses.  Dalton is throwing the ball on a rope, 50+ yards to AJ Green who is making one handed catches in the end zone while I weep on my hands and knees.  Ok, I may have made up the weeping part but I sure felt like that’s what my DB would/should be doing at that time.   “It was a tale of two halves” (I really hate when people use that by the way).  Weeden finally decides he knows how to throw the ball to a guy in our uniform, my defense gets pressure on Dalton, and Richardson keeps running his little heart out.  This game concludes in a 27-24 overtime squeaker in which our Cleveland Browns were victorious!


In conclusion, there are two things we now know, A) if you ever want to feel better about yourself, play me in Madden and the feeling will be instantaneous.  B) The Cleveland Browns will beat the Bengals twice this season on their way to a 2-14 record.  Sorry, I wish I had better news.  Good Day Browns Elite!

Tags: allsports , latest